Parents of slain K-College student speak
They search for ways to create something
positive out of tragedy.
Friday, January 14, 2000
BY LYNN TURNER, KALAMAZOO GAZETTE
(For photos that accompanied this article, click here.)
If one of Margaret Wardle's friends had been murdered by
a former boyfriend who stalked her but left behind no
answers for his actions, she would be outraged, her
family says.
"She would want us to do something here," Wardle's aunt,
Susan Omilian, said. "She'd be making phone calls and
would be suing everyone."
Instead, it is Wardle's family that is left trying to come to
grips with life after her death.
Margaret "Maggie" Wardle, 19, a sophomore at
Kalamazoo College, was killed Oct. 18 by Neenef Odah,
a junior there, who shot her in his DeWaters Hall dorm
room before turning the gun on himself.
A memorial service for Wardle was scheduled for this
morning in Stetson Chapel at Kalamazoo College. A
friend of the family, along with several of Wardle's
friends, were to speak about her life during the service.
"She was so comfortable with herself," Bob Wardle said
of his daughter.
"She was a young lady now. She was no longer a
teen-ager. That's one thing I'm so pleased about - that she
got there."
Family limping along
Three months after Wardle's death, her family is limping
along.
Parents, stepparents, a brother and aunt agreed to sit
down to an interview to talk about the motivated, talented
and confident young woman who was ripped from their
lives.
"This has affected us all tremendously," said Rick
Omilian, Wardle's stepdad, who admits to having a hard
time at work as the supervisor of special education for
Plainwell Public Schools.
Martha Omilian, Wardle's mother, is a nurse at the
Kalamazoo Psychiatric Hospital but on leave from work.
Wardle's brother, Rob, 21, is on leave from the Michigan
Career and Technical Institute, the vocational school
where he has been taking classes.
Bob Wardle, who owns a structural engineering firm near
Philadelphia, says work has been difficult for him.
Stepmother Sandi Wardle won't be allowed to continue
her work with hospice for a year because of her
stepdaughter's death.
"We've pulled together, but every day is a struggle," Rick
Omilian said. "We're very concerned that something
positive happens as a result of this."
The Omilians are working with a K-College committee,
the Task Force on Violence Against Women, to look at
ways the institution can keep another tragedy from
occurring. Among the possible outcomes are improved
campus security, inter-relationship training and making
more resources available to women.
Rick Omilian said he would also like to explore how a
student, using a college address, could buy a gun and no
one at the college be notified. He would like for that
system to be changed. K-College has a zero tolerance
weapons policy, but somehow Odah brought the gun into
his dorm and kept it there without anyone's knowledge.
Forgiveness hard to find
There has been no contact with Odah's family. Rob
Wardle, who was a friend of Odah's, has e-mailed Odah's
brother but has gotten no response.
"I always want to sit down with Neenef and say, 'What
the h were you thinking? What could we do to change it?'
But I can't," Rob Wardle said. "I don't think he was an
evil person, but I think he snapped."
Martha Omilian is not ready to be as forgiving.
"I believe he was evil," she said, tears welling in her eyes.
"I can never find any forgiveness for him in my heart."
Bob Wardle, looking tense, nodded that he felt the same.
"I just don't want to say anything I might regret later," he
said.
Susan Omilian wondered if Odah considered the
ramifications of his act - the deep and far-reaching impact
it would have on Wardle's family and friends as well as
his own.
But Sandi Wardle said she doubted it.
"I don't think people in that kind of rage are capable of
thinking any further than the next point," she said. "I don't
know what he thought, but like Rob, I want to keep an
open mind."
Susan Omilian, an attorney and writer living in
Connecticut, said the family is trying to find the balance
between mourning Wardle's death and finding a way to
go on with their own lives.
"It's a process we all go through individually," she said. As
an attorney who has dealt extensively with sexual
harassment issues, Omilian has had one perspective.
Following the murder of her niece, her viewpoint is "now
completely different."
Remembering Maggie
"I don't think we'll ever get away from seeing something
and saying, 'Maggie would like that,' " Rick Omilian said.
Omilian, who has been married to Wardle's mother since
1983, said the families got along well and everyone helped
raise her and her brother - including extended family
members.
One of her cousins is mother to eight and Wardle loved to
play with them, he said. She was godmother to one of the
children.
Among the many memories raised Wednesday was
Wardle's competitive spirit in everything she did - from
grades to games - and wanting to learn how things
worked. Whether it was learning photography, writing
term papers, collecting insects and playing golf or the
French horn, she wanted to excel.
"She did an incredible amount of things in her short life
and she did it well," her mother said. "It's almost like she
knew."
Before she died, Wardle was leaning toward going to law
school, being a scientist and being a mom.
No 'lovers quarrel'
The Wardles and Omilians want one thing made clear:
Margaret Wardle did nothing to bring about her death.
She was murdered by a stalker. It was no "lovers quarrel"
gone bad.
If pressed, Wardle could have "whipped the snot" out of
Odah, her brother said. That is probably the reason he
bought a gun, her father said.
"We want people to know that we didn't know Maggie
was in trouble; Maggie didn't know she was in trouble,
students there at K didn't know Maggie was in trouble,"
said Rick Omilian.
Signals that Odah was stalking her come from hindsight,
he said.
After Wardle ended a dating relationship with Odah in
May, he repeatedly called and e-mailed her. After a
while, she stopped returning his messages. She remained
cordial to him, sometimes helping him with his studies at
his request, but dated others, her family said.
Late the night after the Oct. 16 homecoming dance,
where Odah had seen her dancing with another man,
Odah asked Wardle to proofread a paper in his dorm
room. She told her roommate she would be back in 10
minutes.
She was dead just past midnight.
SERVICE A TRIBUTE TO 'AMAZING' STUDENT
Maggie Wardle remembered as a giving, 'multi-dimensional' person
with many friends, a bright future
Published January 15, 2000
BY CEDRIC RICKS, Kalamazoo Gazette
(For photos that accompanied this article, click here.)
It was a picturesque scene for a solemn occasion.
Snow fell steadily as young people carrying knapsacks quietly crossed the campus of Kalamazoo College. Tower bells rang, breaking the silence and ushering a procession of students, staff and faculty into Stetson Chapel.
More than 200 people came Friday morning to remember the life of Kalamazoo College sophomore Margaret "Maggie" Wardle. The 19-year-old Plainwell resident was killed Oct. 18 by fellow student Neenef Odah, a junior from Seattle, who shot her twice in a campus dormitory before fatally turning the gun on himself.
The tragic incident was still fresh in the minds of those who came to an hour-long service to greet Wardle's family and learn more about a talented young woman whose seemingly bright future was cut short.
Speakers and Wardle's family wore purple ribbons attached to miniature roses to remember victims of domestic violence.
"She was multi-dimensional. She was one of those amazing people who had everything," said Corey Spearman, a sophomore at Kalamazoo College, who spoke about Wardle during and after Friday's memorial service.
"She was intelligent, she was beautiful and she was athletic," said Spearman.
Wardle, a Plainwell High School honor student, athlete and musician, developed a network of friends while attending Kalamazoo College. She continued to excel in academics and athletics, but it was the human relationships Wardle established that were most important to her, according to friends.
Spearman said he got to know Wardle in February while taking a neighborhood organizing class taught by Kalamazoo College Professor Kim Cummings.
Students in the class participated in a neighborhood revitalization effort know as Building Blocks, which sent them into area neighborhoods to help residents with home renovation and landscaping projects.
"She was really motivated when it came to helping people," said Spearman. "It was a joy to watch her with the residents and see the energy they gained from her."
Cummings said Wardle worked in the Edison neighborhood as part of his class and was able to establish relationships with residents that crossed the boundaries of age, gender and race.
His former student completed the program with a new outlook on life, according to an evaluation from Wardle that he read during Friday's memorial service.
"This project has also made me more open-minded and I'm not so quick to judge those around me," Wardle said in the evaluation. "Some of the people who attended those meetings looked intimidating."
But the college student learned that looks can sometimes be deceiving.
"All the participants turned out to be generally good people," Wardle wrote.
Cummings said Wardle learned the importance of participating in public life.
"I'm no longer content to live a private life and concern myself only with affairs that I can see that will affect me," Cumming read from Wardle's evaluation.
Lyn Maurer, Wardle's golf coach at Kalamazoo College, spoke fondly of Wardle's last golf tournament and carefree moments the college student shared with her teammates. She described Wardle as a fun-loving, caring young woman who spoke of the future with enthusiasm and talked often about her family.
Leza Frederickson, a golf teammate of Wardle's said mastering the game wasn't really Wardle's top priority. "The most important thing was making friends with the girls she met on other teams," she said.
Frederickson, a sophomore, said family was also extremely important to Wardle.
"She always talked about her parents," she said. "I met them a couple of times, but it was like I knew them because they were so important to Maggie."
James E. Jones Jr., president of Kalamazoo College, said the college is dedicated to keeping Wardle's memory alive by working to stop domestic violence against women.
Some of Wardle's friends are hoping the school will consider some type of mandatory class for students that would educate them about domestic violence.
"We are working on a whole program in domestic violence and violence against women," said Jones, who also attended Friday's memorial service.
_______________________________________________________________
JANUARY 14, 2000 MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR MAGGIE AT
STETSON CHAPEL, Kalamazoo College
PROGRAM
The Passing Bell The College Guild of Change Ringers
Voluntary Cannon in D, Johann Pachelbel
Opening WordsGary Dorrien
Stetson Chapel
Family Remembrances of Maggie Beth Hartman Green, K '87
Remembrances
Kim Cummings
Sociology/Anthrology Department
Hymn "Abide With Me"
Remembrances
Heidi Fahrenbacher, K '02
Music "Allegro" from Concerto No. 1, Spring
Remembrances
Hymn "The King of Love My Shepherd Is"
Remembrances
Emily Ford, K '03
Closing Prayer Gary Dorrien
Hymn "Be Still My Soul"
The Passing Bell The College Guild of Change Ringers
___________________________________________________________________
Maggie's Memorial Service
Kalamazoo College, January 14, 2000
Introduction by Gary Dorrien,
Professor of Religion, Dean of Stetson Chapel
With heavy hearts we gather to speak of Maggie, to hold her in memory and affection, to give thanks for her friendship, her goodness, her compassionate, kindly, outward-reaching spirit, and to grieve at her loss. We are gathered with her mother and stepfather, Martha and Rick Omilian; her father and stepmother, Bob and Sandi Wardle; her brother, Rob Wardle, her grandmother, Doris Karson; and several of Maggie's aunts and uncles and cousins, and a host of friends, all of whom loved her and were loved by her.
In her letter of application to this college, Maggie wrote an essay about the person who had influenced her most in life, her best friend's mother, who was critically ill with cancer. Maggie wrote of her, "Though her body is dying, her spirit is still thriving. Every time I see her, I am impressed with her inner strength. She makes me think about the value of life -- when I talk to her she revives my love of life. Though critically ill and bedridden, she has not given up hope. She will not give up hope, and because of her, I know that I will never give up hope."
More recently, in June of last year, after completing her work in the Building Blocks Project, Maggie reflected, "The people I've interacted with during this experience have altered my outlook on life forever; never again will I be content to seek shelter in my private life. No matter what I end up majoring in or what occupation I settle on, I will continue to use the power and experience that I have gained from the Building Blocks Project to improve the world around me. This project has begun a process of growth in me that will continue for the rest of my life."
That is the person we are gathered to remember. The rest of Maggie's life was tragically short. It is very difficult to speak about that fact, and the terrible loss it has inflicted on Maggie's family and friends and community, but let us gather in affectionate gratitude for the radiant light of a life that ended much too soon.
Closing Prayer
Let us pray. O God of grace and glory, who gave us birth, under whose mercy we are given, all of us, a mere handful of days. Show us your grace, that as we face the mystery of death we may see the light of eternity.
We are grateful for the bountiful, generous, compassionate, light-filled life that Maggie lived, and grateful especially for her companionship in this life. Grant her your peace; let light perpetual shine upon her.
In your ever-gracious mercy, console all who mourn her passing, especially her family. In our shock and grief at her loss, help us gain emotional strength from each other.
In our sorrow and perplexity at the horrifying tragedy that took her from us, help us to bear what cannot be understood.
In our rage at the terrible injustice of the taking of Maggie's life, raise our hearts and minds to eliminate violence against women and violence of all kinds in our community and society.
Deal graciously with those who grieve, especially her parents. Let them not be broken by the taking of a cherished daughter.
Hear our cry, O God, and listen to our prayer. In your mercy, renew a right spirit within us, that the light may shine in our living, in grateful remembrance of a rich and vibrant life. Amen.
Maggie's Memorial Service
Kalamazoo College, January 14, 2000
Family Remembrances of Maggie
Written by Rick Omilian
Read by Beth Hartman Green, K '87
"All men and women are born, live, suffer and die; What distinguishes us from one another is our dreams, whether they be dreams about worldly or unworldly things, and what we do to make them come about We do not choose to be born. We do not choose our parents. We do not choose our historical epoch, the country of our birth, or the immediate circumstances of our upbringing. We do not, most of us, choose to die; nor do we choose the time and conditions of our death. But within this realm of choicelessness, we do choose how we live."
Maggie's story is about the kind of life that she led not the death that she faced.
Maggie was raised in Portage until second grade and spent the rest of her life in Plainwell, living with her mother, brother and stepfather. She also spent summers and vacations with her father and stepmother in Pennsylvania and South Carolina. She learned to read early and it was apparent, at a young age, how intelligent and quick to learn she was. She never seemed to want to be caught not knowing something and she became a determined and intense student by high school. She could be counted on to do the right thing and made many friends all through her life.
She loved to play as a child spending hours with her brother, Rob, in the sandbox creating cities and landscapes with shovels, toy cars, figurines, and lots of water. She enjoyed dressing up with her playmates in the old gowns and dresses given to her by her relatives. She also spent hours with Pound Puppies, Cabbage Patch dolls, and many Barbie dolls. As she grew older, she became an avid player at board games and card games. She often recruited players to play her favorite games, seemingly never growing tired of the competition. It became harder to find volunteers to play with her as she mastered the moves and tricks of the games. In the past few years, Maggie became interested in computer games as a challenge to her skills and intellect. Maggie loved the challenge of the hardest jigsaw puzzle with the most shades of one color and the most pieces.
Maggie also showed a knack for athletics and she played basketball and volleyball in middle school. She continued basketball in high school, playing on the freshman, junior varsity, and varsity teams and earning a letter in her junior year. Golf became a sport that Maggie played on the women's team in high school and she continued to play on the Kalamazoo College team in both her freshman and sophomore years. Maggie played many rounds of golf in Michigan, South Carolina, and Pennsylvania.
Music and learning were the main themes of her short life. In elementary school, Maggie started to take piano lessons and through hard work and practice became a skilled pianist, playing in recitals and the Plainwell High School Jazz Band. The French horn became her next instrument to learn in the middle school band for three years. She continued on the French horn in high school playing in the Symphonic Band for 4 years and participating in state competitions in duets with her friends in band. She was section leader her junior and senior years. She played in the Kalamazoo College Symphonic Band for one semester as a freshman and was planning on playing again in her sophomore year as women's golf ended. Maggie also enjoyed playing the mellophone in the high school Marching Band for four years, participating in many marching band competitions with her classmates.
As Maggie grew up, she was enthralled with the small organisms, which shared the backyard with her in Michigan and Pennsylvania. She loved to watch spiders and other bugs in the garden, often setting up small habitats for them while studying their behavior. Butterflies also were a passion and as she grew into her teen years her bedroom library became full of identification books for spiders, snakes, birds, and frogs and toads. She taught herself the art of collecting, preserving, and mounting insect specimens and she also showed a knack for outdoor photography of the organisms she observed and pursued. The most striking pictures she took though were those she took of her Aunt Megan's eight children with whom she loved to spend time, read, and play.
Learning became the driving force in Maggie's life. No matter what the topic, she would figure out what she had to do to master it. She often had to be reminded that she did not have to always get an A in a subject in school, but she used that to drive herself to achieve at the highest level. She carried a 4.0 GPA in high school and built her school experiences to gain admission to the colleges she desired. She earned many honors in school, notably the American Chemistry Association Award for 1998 at Plainwell High School and an academic scholarship, the Kalamazoo College Honors Award. After considering colleges out of state, she chose the academic traditions and scholarly reputation of Kalamazoo College, which also happened to allow her to stay near her mother and her home. At K, her quickness to learn as well as her need to flourish were tested in her first year. She learned to accept less than an A, but not too much less and not very often. She really found her learning stride at the end of her freshman year and she carried a confidence in her college learning potential into her sophomore year.
She had, since her elementary years become an adept writer in her classes, working on school newspapers, classroom writings, and multimedia presentations with a flourish of creativity that she loved to flash. She remained shy and unassuming about her school achievements, but was fiercely competitive with others to always want to do her very best and remain at the top of her class. A high school teacher described her as a brilliant student who never flaunted what she knew and was mature enough to approach teachers privately if she wanted to discuss a concern with a topic from class. She belonged to the National Honor Society, and enjoyed volunteering as an NHS tutor to help others understand academic subjects, especially her high school favorite, science.
After a freshman year of uncertainty about her major, this year she had decided to declare a history major with intent to enter law school upon graduation from K College. She had become very interested in social and political issues in her classes and had recently joined the newly formed Young Democrats Club on campus. She wrote that her political values seemed to be a combination of those of both of her families with her mother's liberalism and her father's conservatism in contrasting levels.
In the spring of her freshman year, she participated in a sociology practicum class, the Building Blocks Project by helping tenants and landowners in the Edison neighborhood of Kalamazoo to improve their properties. She became energized by the project, enjoying the prospect of helping others by improving a neighborhood. She maintained contact with some of the neighbors after the class was completed. One of the neighbors in the Project described her and her classmates as "doers" and not afraid to work hard. She described Maggie as "so young yet aware of the importance of truly giving and sharing." This Edison resident further wrote, "There is no wisdom greater than kindness, Maggie knew this and it showed." This was also the type of caring and compassion that Maggie's family had also seen in her and which had really become apparent to others in the last few years of her life.
As we watched Maggie grow up, it was easy to see that she was able to develop strong and caring friendships with others her age. She seemed to instinctively know how to share and play with others in genuine exchanges of mutual friendship. She had a sense of fair play in her interactions with others and was always interested in playing with others, rarely choosing solitary activities. As she grew older, her friendships with others were very important to her. She developed friendships through her participation in Scouts, Band, and athletics as well as in her classes. Her lasting childhood friendships with Kristie, Roland, Kelly, Russell and Sarah attest to her compassionate, caring manner of relating to others and maintaining long-term relationships. Maggie combined a knack for making conversation and listening to others with a good sense of humor and a fun-loving attitude. People liked to be around her. She often was the friend who took it upon herself to help others when they were sad or needed a listening ear to work out a down time. Many of her friends here today can attest to this commitment that Maggie had to others in need.
Maggie's family regrets that she was only able to show the outside world a sample of what she would do as a citizen of the world. She had plans to finish at K College by doing an overseas program perhaps in Germany where she has relatives whom she had visited. She had desires to have many children like her aunt in Pittsburgh. She had inklings, over the years, that she might like to be a teacher or instructor or a research scientist. Her recent decision to study history and attend law school was a thoughtful and heartfelt personal choice that seemed to be a perfect fit that would match her interests, skills, and competitive nature. She would have been a tenacious and determined attorney with a sense of fairness, especially towards those who needed the most help.
She would have been the best among whatever she chose to do. Her family is proud of her life and accomplishments and revels in her memories.
"Death is nothing at all. I have slipped away into the next room. Whatever we were to each other that we are still. Call me by my old familiar name; speak to me in the easy way, which you always used.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play. Smile. Think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be the household word it always was. Let it be spoken without effort. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it always was; there is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of your mind because I am out of your sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near around the corner.
All is well. Nothing is past. Nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before only better, infinitely happier and forever.
We will all be together with Christ."
From a Mass Card in Ireland
Maggie's Memorial Service
Kalamazoo College, January 14, 2000
By Kim Cummings, Kalamazoo College,
Dept. of Sociology and Anthropology
Among all the amazing applicants to my organizing class last spring, Maggie was among those in whose readiness I had the most confidence. "I grew up and still live in Kalamazoo County," she wrote, "and therefore it is my responsibility and desire to improve my community.... I grew up in a very close-knit neighborhood in which most of the children were about the same age. In our younger years, our parents depended on each other to keep track of all of us, sometimes feeding and babysitting someone else's child, and carpooling to different athletic or music practices and other activities.... Being able to depend on the people who lived by me was a very important part of my childhood, and I will remain close friends with several of my neighbors. This is what I hope we can achieve with the Neighborhood Practicum."
Secure in her own community, Maggie took to organizing in the Edison neighborhood with evident eagerness. Our approach to organizing depends significantly on personal relationships, and relationships she readily established, crossing over boundaries of age, class and race. "I met Pauline," she wrote about these experiences, ... and we have begun a friendship that I plan on pursuing.... She is also becoming my mentor. Pauline possesses a wisdom acquired through age and from life on a "rough" street like Washington Street, and she has helped me bridge the gap between my fanciful and somewhat naive outlook on life and the realities of living in an urban neighborhood.
"This project has also made me more open-minded, and I am not so quick to judge those around me. Some of the people who attended our meetings looked intimidating, probably a product of living in a neighborhood where looking like that is a way to protect oneself.... All of the participants turned out to be generally good people, some of whom, like Pops, I wished lived in my [own] neighborhood."
On the second of our project weekends I went out to help with the work on Maggie's street. My image is of her atop a ladder, a really high ladder, painting away with the serenity and self-possession so distinctly hers, and, at breaktime, of her chatting confidently with Pops and others of the neighbors.
Maggie recognized the personal changes that the overall experience had worked on her. "This project," she wrote, "has made me question my social responsibility in the liberal democracy into which I was born. I am no longer content to live a private life and concern myself only with affairs that I perceive to affect me. It helped me to realize how important having a public life is and showed me that the things I do in my public life can make a difference. I foresee myself raising a family eventually, and I do not want to pass on to them a world which I have made no attempt to better."
In a recent poem, Wendell Berry's invites us to break with consumerism and conventional career roles, and to join in the remaking of local community: "Come into the dance of community, joined in a circle, hand in hand, the dance of the eternal love of women and men for one another, and of neighbors and friends for one another."
Maggie came into the dance. In all her serenity, idealism, and effectiveness, she danced with her own neighbors, with her townspeople in Plainwell, and with us here at "K." But she also danced with people "across town," whirling and working and celebrating with the residents of Washington Street, doing her part to reconnect the fractured elements of her county, and, albeit not for her own children, but for the rest of us, to pass on a better world.
Maggie's Memorial Service
Stetson Chapel, Kalamazoo College, January 14, 2000
Remembrances of Maggie
By Lyn Maurer, Professor, Athletics Department
How do I remember Maggie? Oh, in many, many ways.
I see her walking jauntily down the fairway with her ponytail bouncing from the back of her golf cap. I see her walking a little slower at the end of a long hot 18 hole match, her prized Taylor Made clubs slung over her shoulder, but still with that mischievous little smile creeping across her face. I see her arriving at practice angered by unfair or unjust circumstances she had observed. I can picture that little quirk in her lip as she tried to hide her smile and appear serious when she was teasing me. I hear the enthusiasm in her voice as we discussed her classes and future plans between shots on the driving range. I hear the pride in her voice as she spoke of all she learned last summer working with her uncle. I see the excitement dance in her eyes as she talked about plans with her friends or family. Maggie spoke often about her family, her parents, her brother, her grandmothers and her extended family. They were very important to her. I remember a fun loving young woman who had her priorities in order.
But my most vivid memories of Maggie are from that last day we spent together on October 17th. We played our final match of the season at Defiance College that day. Maggie had her best round of the season and was smiling her beautiful smile when she finished. The whole team was anxious to get back to Kalamazoo for the Homecoming Dance. As we stopped at Burger King for a quick bite to eat, Maggie and Emily sat on the ground and painted their toenailsI can see that picture so clearly in my mind. On the long drive back I can remember clearly Maggie, Emily and Heidi bouncing to the beat of the music in the back seat of the van and continually pleading with me to turn the music up just a little louder, (music that was already so loud that Henry Williams, our assistant coach, and I could hardly hear ourselves think in the front seat.)
The last words that Maggie said to me as she exited the van that evening were, "Well, Coach, will you miss us now that the season is over?" I replied, " Maggie, all I have to do is turn the music up really, really loudly and I'll think you are still there."
Our golf team was exceptionally close this fall and I know her teammates, Heidi, Emily, Leza, Sara, Kelly, Nisse, and Jillian and Coach Williams all share these memories and many more. We will continue to remember the good times we shared and will turn the music up just a little louder when we are driving in the van and know that she is there with us.
Maggie's Memorial Service
Kalamazoo College, January 14, 2000
By Heidi Fahrenbacher, K'02
As the campus quietly met on the quad to hear Dr. Jones' statement about the murder of Maggie Wardle, Lyn Maurer, our golf coach, told us to think of something positive that came from this whole experience. In the light of day, there was nothing positive that came from this whole experience.
I was filled with deep anger. The kind of anger that makes you want to run and run until your head clears. This is not realistic though because I could not run forever.
Winter break was the most difficult time because I was alone and not occupied with schoolwork to keep my mind off of Maggie. Driving alone at night hit me the hardest, but it was during this period that I finally answered Coach's question. The only positive reaction I could conjure was not allowing this to happen to another young woman. Maggie's life was taken from her. We as a community can not sit back and allow this to happen to our friends and loved ones. We need to look this kind of violent behavior in the eye, demand that it is not acceptable, and that no one deserves that kind of treatment.
I had known Maggie Wardle for 5 years and she was the most intelligent person I have ever had the pleasure to meet; she was a very special individual and I miss her. I have learned a lot from Maggie; the most important thing is that human relationships outweigh academic achievement. What happened on this campus on October 18th was an act of violence, it was wrong, legally and morally.
I propose a solution for all those still grieving, hurting, and even for those who never even met Maggie. We have the greatest opportunity to change the society we live in. We need to have the courage of our convictions and publicize the fact that violence is not an acceptable way to handle anger. Together the administration, faculty, and students have the ability to impact our small region of the world. This is not a lecture, only a request that we do not allow Maggie's honor to be tarnished in the name of academic bureaucracy.
Maggie's Memorial Service
Kalamazoo College, January 14, 2000
MAGGIE WAS THE PERSON I WANT TO BE
By Leza Frederickson, K '02
Maggie was the first person that I met here at K, and the first friend that I made. She was so confident in herself that I was intimidated by her. As we quickly became friends, her confidence was reassuring and comforting to me. Because we were on the golf team together, we had the opportunity to see each other daily. We spent many hours together on and off of the golf course. We played every round together and always insisted on sitting in the back seat of the van on the way to matches. Maggie was my rock during golf season, and no matter how bad I played, she made me feel like I was the best golfer she had ever met.
Maggie and I shared many special memories on the golf course. Those times on the golf course were very important to me because Maggie and I could talk about anything. I looked forward to practice everyday because I knew that I could have Maggie all to myself for two hours. She had the ability to make me feel like I was the only person in the world. She listened to every word that I said and was able to make sense out of those silly conversations. The numerous conversations that Maggie and I shared were honest and heartfelt. She told me the truth about any situation I found myself in, and that was very refreshing to me. I knew that I could go to her with any problem that I found myself facing and that she would be there for me with a solution.
Maggie was a very special person to everyone that she touched. She was kind and generous. Maggie was everything that I hope to become. She has taught me numerous things about myself and for that I am eternally grateful.
Maggie's Memorial Service
Kalamazoo College, January 14, 2000
MAGGIE ALWAYS HAD HER PRIORITIES STRAIGHT
By J'nai Leafers, K '02
Maggie always had her priorities straight. She knew exactly what was the most important thing to her, and she knew how to get it. And while schoolwork was near the top of her list, her family and friends always came first.
She always did excellent in school, she was one of the smartest people I have ever met. One of those ones who could never do any of the reading and still ace the exam, but she never let her homework take precedence over any person. Once a week she went to her Oma's for a couple of hours to have dinner, and she always brought home some great cakes!
Every night after all of our classes and all of our practices and everything else that we had to do, was done, we would finally meet back in our little tiny room in Trowbridge. She would call her mom, or her dad, or her uncle Pete, whoever called that afternoon, and she would talk to her brother on the computer. After not seeing each other for the whole day there was always at least two hours of gossiping that had to be done. So we would get out some food, sit down and talk. She had this way of making whoever she was talking to feel like you two were best friends, like she knew about everything in your life ever and she wanted to be the one to fix whatever the problem was. She listened to every word and always gave you very straightforward advice, no matter how brutal it was. Her incredible honesty made her very easy to get guidance from. Everyone of our friends would call until all hours of the night to talk to her. She never cared how late it was, she would keep the phone next to her bed to answer it whenever. She was always coherent enough at 2 am to give great advice. Our phone only took a 3 hour break, if we were lucky.
If I can take only one thing away from this tragedy, I want it to be that I try and be as caring as Maggie was. She made you feel like you were the most important thing in the world to her. For her, there would always be another test, but if someone needed her now, that's where she would be in an instant, no questions asked. I think we all need to keep this attitude and realize, especially here, that while our grades are important, Maggie had the right idea friends and families should be your top priority.
Maggie's Memorial Service
Kalamazoo College, January 14, 2000
THE THINGS WE REMEMBER ABOUT MAGGIE!
By Nandini Sonnad, K'02 and J'nai Leafers, K '02
What follows the blue label, the half gallon and the jello?-Nothing if you were Maggie
Was she wearing Tappered Jeans and pumps when you met her?
And did you see her new neon green suede boots?
Can anyone do a good impression of the "Maggie Drag?"
What exactly can't you do in the bunk beds?
If you got class, and you gotta a job, you ain't gotta phone call.
Maggie is only allowed 1 LaBatt.
OHHHHHH
Remember when she shot a 17 on a par 3?
The Gunsmokes from her Great Aunt
How many 7-11 attendants hit on her
Her proudest achievement ever was when she memorized every word of Hoochie Mama
And boy could she dance!
She never once stayed awake more than 15 minutes at Waldo Library.
What about her sneaking off behind the house at Building Blocks?
Evening drinks in blue glasses and countless trips around Trowbridge
I wonder how her economics class with Professor Reinert went
And how many Harliquins did she read?
She knew every bouncer in the greater Kalamazoo Area
Even in the 20 degree weather, she was very dedicated to that leather jacket
She would always sit at her computer playing random games with her headphones on
It was probably playing the Jurassic Park soundtrack
How many bugs were in that collection of hers?
Her best shopping find---a tube top in Canada
The tube dress that she wore for homecoming that was almost falling off her body
And her smile that could instantly light up any room!
Maggie's Memorial Service
Kalamazoo College, January 14, 2000
A WAY TO SAY THANK YOU
By Emily Ford, K '03
I know that Maggie was a very important person in many people's lives. I would like to share with all of you what she meant to me as a friend. Although I had just met Maggie in the fall of last year she impacted me greatly. It's funny because a few weeks after I met her she told me she wasn't sure she liked me at first. But I completely admire how honest and forthright she was because these are exceptional qualities.
Maggie was one of the first people I met when I transferred to K this year. She was walking down Academy Street from her dorm lugging her golf bag and she flashed me one of her smirks when she saw me carrying mine. I asked her how she liked playing on the golf team and she said that it was a lot of fun. She reassured me and I felt very at ease my first day on campus and each day following because of her. This gesture was indicative of her personality.
Some of the best memories I have of Maggie are listening to the Supremes in her dorm room, playing practice golf rounds, and our evenings out. There was never a dull moment with her because Maggie was always so energetic and personable, basically just fun to be around. She had the most infectious smile and laugh. When I think about Maggie I think about how much I admire her spirit. She was so intelligent and insightful but she really didn't know the extent of her talents. She tried hard at whatever she did but she always seemed to like what she was doing.
At practice I would sometimes get mad if I hit a bad shot and she would say, "Emily, just have fun, it's only golf practice." In fact she gave me a lot of good advice without being condescending. I think she made anyone she talked to feel very comfortable with her smile and twinkling eyes. Very few people possess the charisma that Maggie did.
In addition I would like to share a prayer that I wrote to Maggie: 'Dear Maggie, Today is our chance to say thank you for the way you brightened our lives, even though God granted you but half a life. We all feel cheated always that you were taken from us so young and yet we must learn to be grateful that you came along at all. Only now that you are gone do we truly appreciate what we are now without, and we want you to know that life without you is very difficult.
Maggie's Memorial Service
Kalamazoo College, January 14, 2000
MAGGIE CHANGED MY LIFE
By Corey Spearman '02
I would only be repeating the thoughts of so many when I say Maggie was truly an amazing individual. I stand not alone in my respect and admiration for her; she was loved by many and adored by all. Jacques BéNigne Bossuet once said, "Only great souls know the grandeur there is in charity." It was through Maggie's charity that I first came to know her, in the winter quarter of my freshmen year at Kalamazoo College. We had both been nominated and accepted for Sociology 512, the Neighborhood Organizing Practicum. The structure of the course was straightforward: working in groups of three, under neighborhood association supervision, we would undertake intensive block-level organizing in Kalamazoo's low-income residential neighborhoods.
Maggie and I, along with Amanda Harrell, a junior who is currently studying abroad in London, England, were assigned to the same group. The minute details of this class are of little concern; it is the process and culmination of the class that truly shows Maggie's innate sense of civic duty and love for all people regardless of race, religion or socio-economic status. I was given an opportunity few people have ever had. The opportunity to watch and grow with Maggie during this course that taught us more about life than the sociological theories contained in the textbooks we read. It was through this growth, this transformation, that Maggie was able to express her passion for all that is virtuous, and to have a forever lasting effect on so many lives.
We started this venture as three unsuspecting, tentative and nervous college students, yet we had a vigor and an excitement that propelled us forward. We began by going door-to-door, trying to get Washington Ave. residents involved in resurrecting their block. We spent most of the time just working up the nerve to approach these complete strangers and ask them to participate in something that we knew little about. It was a trying experience, yet it was evident that Maggie had gained a new sense of self-confidence. This confidence soon grew to such great heights that others benefited from it in their own lives.
Our second hurdle was the series of weekly block meetings with the Washington Ave. residents. The tentativeness we thought we had overcome crept back and challenged us once again. We were assigned the task of leading adults, sometimes fifty years our elder, to devise a plan that would allocate $6,000 of federal, state and local funds for the improvement of their block in a fair and unbiased manner. This responsibility, although tumultuous and stressful at times, was expanding Maggie's horizons. She was blossoming into a commanding presence among our group, carefully and methodically looking for the best in each individual and utilizing these positive aspects. The residents, once complete strangers, had now formed an unbreakable bond with Maggie. They respected and adored this young woman who had sometimes little else in common with them than a love for humanity. Yet Maggie always found a common ground, dispelling any preconceived notions that normally keep people at bay from one another. She gave everyone the benefit of the doubt and in return they gave her their hearts and minds.
The Building Blocks course culminated in our "work weekends," in which all the planning from the previous eight weeks was implemented. By this time, Maggie's rapport with the residents had reached uncanny levels. She was completely in her element and the residents fed off her energy. When she wasn't up on a ladder painting a three-story house, she was planting flowers or playing with the children who lived on the block. These work weekends were anything but calm and relaxing. We were on sight by seven in the morning, often not leaving until it was too dark to see or until the residents pleaded with us to stop. Unexpected challenges often arose and stress levels were high, yet I never saw Maggie frown or speak in a hasty manner. What I did see was a woman totally dedicated to her work and eager to do good. She wore on her face a smile that rivaled the most beautiful things in this world and spoke with a voice that soothed and invigorated those around her. She was something to behold, a joy to watch and an inspiration to each and every one of us. All the words known to man could never do justice in describing Maggie; her beauty, intelligence and compassion defied explanation.
My life has been forever changed because of Maggie. She has taught me to smile in the face of adversity, to laugh during times of turmoil, and to see all that is good in this hard-to-understand world. Yet, as you can see today I am only one of many that have been touched by Maggie Wardle. I believe Maggie would have agreed with Eileen Caddy when she wrote, "Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now in this instant of time. From this moment onwards you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
So as a student of this great institution, I ask the administration to continue a policy intolerable of abuses towards women and men alike. Yet, fully aware of the need for education in ending this blight upon our society.
As a member of this community, I ask my fellow classmates to live a life free of violence and respectful of others' minds and bodies.
As a male, I ask those of my gender to take a stand against what is accepted and strive for what is right. For too long our society has allowed domestic abuse to go unchecked. It is time for men of every age, race and religion to act as real men and end our abusive ways.
But most of all, as a friend of Maggie, I ask each and every one of you to remember her and all that she has given us.
"There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction." (John F. Kennedy)
"It is easy to sit up and take notice. What is difficult is getting up and taking action." (Al Batt)
"Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility." (Dietrich Bonhoeffer)
"Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable." (Peter F. Drucker)
"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do."
(Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe)
"We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as courses, and they come back to us as effects." (Herman Melville)
CONTINUED........ Click here for more TRIBUTES.
