EULOGY AT MAGGIE'S FUNERAL
October 22, 1999
Written by Maggie's Stepfather, Rick
To Maggie:
We have gathered here to express how much we miss you and love you and wish we could change what has happened. We are trying to make sense of this cruel and selfish act that was only meant to deprive you of your happiness and your future. We so much looked forward to living a long life with you, getting to know you better, and showering you with love. Your adult life was just blossoming in front of our eyes and we are so proud of you. We all feel that you were destined for something great and we feel that the world has been cheated.
We are also gathered because we know that you are now happy and free without fear, worry, or pain. We know this from the way you lived your life. We long for you and fear your absence from our lives. Look down on us and understand. We know that your future is secure and beautiful and eternal. Everyone in your families will carry that in their hearts along with the wonderful love and memories that you gave us.
FUNERAL HOMILY FOR MAGGIE
October 22, 1999
By Rev. Mark J. Vyverman
Rector, St. Augustine Cathedral, Kalamazoo, Michigan
The life of a student: tests, papers, and quizzes. There is just now way to avoid them. When you are finished taking a test, writing a paper, or studying for a quiz, you have the satisfaction of knowing that there are more tests to take, that another paper is due tomorrow, and a pop quiz could happen at any time. But there is a lot more to taking a test or a quiz than just selecting the answer or writing an essay. No matter how much you debate with a professor or argue a point, in order to get a passing grade, you need to have the right answers.
Today I think that all of us are here seeking to find the right answer. But no matter how many tests or quizzes that we have taken, no matter how many papers we have written, nothing would have prepared us for the events of last Sunday night and early Monday morning. We have been shocked and stunned. Our peace and comfort has been shattered. We have been drained emotionally. Perhaps even our faith has been shaken. During this time, we have been trying to understand what happened, we have been trying to find the right answer. But in a situation like this, it seems like there are more questions than there are answers. We have been faced with the ultimate test: a test of faith.
During these past few days, all of us have said to ourselves, "This should not have happened." We think about how Maggie was kind and considerate, a good friend, a good student. She was responsible and determined. It doesn't make any sense to us that something like this should have happened to Maggie. But the unthinkable has happened: Something terrible has happened to a person who was good. We can't help feeling empty and afraid.
When we take a test, we have to rely on ourselves. A test reveals whether we have studied or if we spent the time at work or with friends. A test shows us if we have grasped the concepts and theories or memorized the answers. If we don't do these things, we fail. Sometimes we try to blame other factors or situations to explain why we failed. But in the end, a test proves whether or not we can rely on ourselves.
A test of faith is different. A test of faith means that we do not rely on ourselves, but instead it means that we rely on God. Our test of faith is not academic. Our test of faith reveals to us the love of God.
Today is such a day that we need to rely on God. All the answers to the questions that we have just do not satisfy. We keep on asking these questions, we keep trying to answer the question over and over again. It is like a test question that we just can't find the right answer to. If we keep on trying to answer these questions by ourselves, we will only become more frustrated. Only in God will we find peace.
St. Matthew's Gospels reminds us of this. Jesus tells us: "Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are they who hunger and thrist for righteousness, for they will be satisfied. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God." In a time like today, only God will be our source of peace and hope. Only in God will we find true comfort.
Today we can take comfort in the promise of the Resurrection. Jesus promises this to all who believe and have faith. In the first reading from the Prophet Isaiah we hear how death will be destroyed forever, how death will no longer have any power over us. The Lord God will wipe away the tears from all faces for this promise is true. It is a love that encompasses all, a love that death has no power over or will ever destroy. This is a love that will never fail. This is the love that God has for Maggie in the promise of the Resurrection. Our hope is based on this promise of the Resurrection.
This past Spring on Pentecost Sunday, something special happened for Maggie. She was confirmed here at the Cathedral by Bishop Murray. Normally in the Catholic tradition, this is something that happens earlier in life. For example, I was confirmed when I was in eighth grade. For various reasons, Maggie was not confirmed at this time in life. Last year when she was a freshman at K, Maggie decided that this was an important time for her to grow in her faith and to come closer to God. She wanted to be a godmother, an example of faith for someone in her family who was going to be baptized. This past Tuesday I had a chance to sit down with Maggie's parents. As we reflected on Maggie's recent Confirmation, they noted that during the past year, the time that Maggie was preparing for Confirmation, a noticeable change came over her. They indicated that Maggie seemed happier and more at peace and comfortable with herself. As they looked back at the past year, Maggie seemed to have had a very good year. In case you were wondering, Maggie became a godmother this past August. I think Maggie found her answer to the test of faith. She learned to rely on God.
The next few days and weeks will be difficult for us. It will be hard to know that Maggie is no longer here. She will be missed at school and by family, friends and members of this Church community. But this is where we need to seek the peace that Jesus offers to us, a peace that comes with faith, a peace that comes with the love of God. In the peace of Christ, we will find the answer that we have been looking for.
MAGGIE LOVED HISTORY
Remarks about Maggie Made by
Professor David Barclay, Maggie's History Teacher
In Class, October 18 and 19, 1999
Kalamazoo College
Maggie loved history. We had spoken on various occasions in recent weeks about her future, and just in the last few days she had decided to declare a history major. Like all who study the past, she was confronted with the evidences both of human goodness and human viciousness, of crime and folly, of the blessed and the monstrous, of the sublime and the frightful. In this course we have been and are considering a century without parallel for murder and violence, especially for murder and violence in the name of abstractions, of causes, and of programs of social engineering. It is a century which has shown us what can happen when, . . we take each other for granted. It is a century which has shown us what can happen when human beings become means and not ends. And though we read in our history texts about the vast and apparently anonymous numbers of human beings who had died needlessly and violently in this century, we all know in our heart of hearts that behind those mind-numbing statistics were individual human lives, each and every one as human, as flawed and as vulnerable, as full of potential and life as any other.
At the end of this century, and at the dawn of a new millennium, the events of the past hundred years in the rest of the world, and of the past hundred hours on our little hill, should remind us, as Voltaire would say, to cultivate our garden however we can, with the means that are most appropriate to us, remembering our common humanity, and how fragile we all are. At the same time that, at a college like this and in a course like this, we look at the so-called big picture, our loss reminds us of our daily necessity to love our neighbor as ourselves, to listen to them, to talk to them, to appreciate them, to remember that we are all sinners and fallen short of the glory of God, and to do our very best to do the good.
Until the end of my days, I shall never forget Maggie; and I hope that you too will keep her in your own memories for decades to come. She loved to study the past, and I'm sure would want us to keep on with it ourselves. She was a competitor, after all, and always wanted to do her own best. So let us dedicate the rest of this quarter, of this course, and the rest of your College years to her and her memory. And before we continue this morning, I'd like each of us to spend a moment in silence, thinking of her in the ways most appropriate to each of us.
K-COLLEGE MUST CONTINUE TO BUILD ITS SENSE OF COMMUNITY
Opinion Piece by Beth Hartman Green
Sunday, November 28, 1999
Published in Kalamazoo Gazette
I write this as an alumna, 1986; a former student development staff member, fall 1989 through spring 1993, and someone who is in shock and deeply grieving for Maggie. My family has been blessed with the friendship of Rick and Martha, Maggie's mother and stepfather, and Maggie's presence in our lives for the past ten years.
Maggie was a babysitter for our children. We were privileged to watch with awe as she blossomed from a shy, quiet academic into a shining, accomplished young woman; so very talented in so many areas, brimming with potential yet so humble, kind and accepting of everyone.
I know many Kalamazoo College students were close to Maggie and grieve for the rising star who was among you for all too brief a time. My heart goes out to them.
Three days after Maggie's funeral I sat at my kitchen table with Maggie's mom, Martha, listening. Weeks later, my struggle to integrate such horrific loss continues. As I watch Rick and Martha's choice to share their grief and become immediately active in K's community, I see miracles of strength and courage and the true heroes of this tragedy emerge.
I walked into Old Wells and the Stone Room after Maggie's funeral and was once again shattered by the violence that has visited this idyllic place that, even now, is so intimately woven into the fabric of my life. I know that I amone of many who grieve for this loss of life. And wonder, what would Maggie have us do now?
I know that the crisis team has met, grieving students are consoling one another, staff and faculty are caring for students to the point of exhaustion and that administrators have had caring and compassionate conversations with Maggie's parents. At the same time our culture demands that when bad things happen, everyone runs for cover.
Officials speak guardedly about the process of cleaning up, containing the fall-out and getting the public relations spin under control, so that admission concerns and financial matters are in order. Can true healing ever take place if our main concern is "the bottom line"? I fear not.
Is it becoming a cliche to point out that our youth are killing each other and themselves in shocking numbers? I am ashamed that it took Maggie's death to draw my pen to paper, and that the letters in my head after Columbine and other tragedies have gone unwritten! In my sleepless nights, I dreamed of a future for K. I dreamed of a campus community which truly, diligently lives up to the ideals of being a caring, close-knit campus.
For decades, there has been a constant struggle and on-going dialogue to achieve the ideal of "community." As a student, I experienced such a community and it was happening for Maggie as well. While we might all wish to put such horror our of our minds, could we make meaning of such violence by striving to make new and bold connections within and beyond the classrooms and residence halls to deepen relationships between all members of this community?
What if every graduate of K College knew in their souls the ethical standards and moral demands of committed, community life? What if K College became the institution in which drug use, domestic violence, sexual assault, harassment, intolerance and violence in any form generated an active, public response in every instance? We are given in this tragedy a grim, stark but teachable moment. Dark secrets kept in the name of future enrollment, alumni giving or faculty recruitment will only undermine the efforts of those committed to the ideals of true community! What are the priorities of this institution? Perhaps the searing light shed by Maggie's murder and Neenef's suicide make it clear which path to follow.
What a huge task it is in grief to find the balance between grieving well and resuming daily life. Each must find his or her own way, and resuming regular activities will be healing for all of us. Our challenge is to live on without accepting that such violence has to become commonplace and that we are powerless to stop it!
Could Friday mornings at chapel be dedicated to topics of non-violence, community building and conflict resolution for a time? How else might we honor Maggie's memory and work that such tragedy never, ever occur again on campus or anywhere else? To continue to speak of the horror that has happened among us will require boundless courage and rock solid commitment.
I see before me the faces of so many extraordinary teachers, mentors, heroes and friends who are my K community past and present. I know my hopes are within reach! My prayers are for comfort, healing, insight and rest will continue to surround every member of campus, those whom I call my friends, and those of you I have never met. Maybe we continue our lives, but remain ever awakened by the lessons of our grief.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
MAGGIE'S FAMILY SAYS THANKS
By Martha and Rick, Maggie's Mother and Stepfather
Sunday, November 28, 1999
Published in Kalamazoo Gazette
The Maggie's family would sincerely like to thank those who have contacted us since the early morning hours of Monday, October 18, 1999, when Maggie was brutally killed on the Kalamazoo College campus. The love and concern showered on us through prayers for us donations in Maggie's name and food to our homes were overwhelming. The memories of Maggie, which you shared ith us and with each other, made this terrible time easier for all of us.
We would particularly like to thank the staff and students at Plainwell Community Schools, the Michigan Career and Technical Institute, Kalamazoo College, the Allegan County Intermediate School District and Kalamazoo Psychiatric Hospital for their understanding and sympathy. Thank you to Rupert, Durham, Marshall and Gren Funeral Home in Plainwell, St. Augustine Cathedral and Kalamazoo College for helping us grieve and arrange a fitting tribute to Maggie.
Our family will forever remember the compassionate response from the Plainwell, Kalamazoo and Portage communities as well as surrounding areas. We ask that you remember Maggie fondly in your hearts and pledge with us that, because of her death, we will be inspired to help reduce the violence in our society.
K-COLLEGE VICTIM FULL OF PROMISE
By Pamela Simpson of Kalamazoo, Michigan
December, 1999
Published in Kalamazoo Gazette
The slaying of Maggie, a Kalamazoo College student, was a tragedy of immense proportions. This beautiful, talented, and much loved young woman was the victim of a senseless act. As I perused the media coverage, it seemed as if the intent was to portray these two young people as a couple who had a "lover's spat" that ended in an impulsive gesture.
So often we hear, after a hideous event, about how nice these people are. The media goes to great lengths to interview old friends and high school teachers and neighbors who say kind things about people who commit terrible acts. While the readers of your paper may wonder what made this man suddenly explode, it would be more prudent to ask why he had a gun on campus in the first place.
Maggie deserves a better legacy than being seen as part of a Romeo and Juliet scenario. She should be remembered as a promising young woman who was brutally murdered in a place where she should have been safe. My most sincere condolences to the family of Maggie.
FINDING ANSWERS TO VIOLENCE AND A WAY TO REMEMBER MAGGIE
OP-ED article by Maggie's Aunt Susan
Tuesday, November 23, 1999
Published by The Hartford Courant
In the early hours of Monday, October 18, I received a phone call in Connecticut that my niece, Maggie, a nineteen year old college sophomore, was shot three times and killed by her ex-boyfriend in a college dormitory room in Kalamazoo, Michigan. She had broken off dating this man several months before he killed her with a shotgun that he had legally purchased and then killed himself. Maggie had rejected him it seemed and in response, he lured her into his dorm room, pulled out the gun and in a matter of minutes ended her life and his. As I tried to take in this shocking news in the middle of the night, all I could think of was that this was another senseless act of school violence but this time, Maggie -- our Maggie -- was dead.
How could that be? Ever since she was two years old and my brother had married her mother following a divorce, Maggie and her brother have been a part of our family as if they had been born into it. She also had the love and support of her mother's and father's families as well as the admiration of school teachers and administrators through the years who recognized her extraordinary talents and gifts from a very early age. Then too she had numerous friends and acquaintances who saw her as someone who was always kind to everyone, even to the man who would one day kill her.
As I lay awake the rest of the night, I realized that even with all of us showering love and attention on this child that she so richly deserved, none of us could keep her safe. We couldn't protect her from the violence that has grown progressively more senseless and incomprehensible in our society. Why has it become commonplace for students who are rejected by other students to turn to violence to settle the score?
I returned to Michigan for Maggie's funeral and joined with family and friends in celebrating her short but wonderful life. Then we buried her body in a quiet cemetery near her home. While we prayed for her soul, we were bewildered and outraged that this had happened to Maggie. For hours and hours, we talked and talked around the kitchen table trying to make sense of it all. As Catholics, we found some solace in the fact that Maggie is now at peace with God and that her soul journey on this earth is over. But as Maggie's parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and dear friends, we needed to blame someone or something for this terrible tragedy. But who is to blame when students shoot other students?
Is the school to blame? Maggie's college had a no-gun policy and yet this man had a shot gun hidden in his room for some period of time. Should the college have done more to enforce that policy? Or should it have better informed students about what to do if they were being stalked? Didn't they know that the potential for violence is everywhere even on a quiet college campus in small Michigan town?
Is our society to blame? Why is it that we can't pass effective restrictions on the purchase and use of guns after tragedies like Maggie's happen every day?
Even with some gun control legislation in place, this man was still able to purchase a sophisticated weapon by posing as a deer hunter at a local gun store and waiting only twenty-four hours before he could take his purchase home.
Should we blame this man's parents? We could file a lawsuit like several families of children killed at Columbine High School recently did and try to show that parents have a duty to "control" their children and prevent their violent rampages. But even if that cutting-edge legal theory was successful, it still wouldn't mean that other parents would now control their children or even know how to.
So who is to blame and how can we save promising students like Maggie from dying so young and so needlessly? I don't know but I am inspired by the actions of other parents of school shooting victims who are not pointing fingers idly or suing anyone. They are working instead on gun control and other societal changes more likely to preserve their children's memories and ensure that how they died will not be forgotten.
For myself, I am moved by my niece's death to redouble my efforts to combat violence against women. As a feminist attorney who has worked for years on sexual assault, domestic violence and sexual harassment, I am infuriated that my niece was the victim of a man who appeared to be quiet and non-violent but nonetheless was capable of stalking and killing a woman he could not possess and who clearly rejected him with as much kindness she could.
Obviously none of my hard work to date was enough to save Maggie. She is a statistic now along with the thousands of women raped, battered and killed by men every day but that doesn't mean that I will stop trying.
I know Maggie would be outraged by the way she died and would want us to do something about it. But she'd also have those of us who loved her so dearly find something in the way she lived to help us to heal our pain, give us hope for the future and find a place in our hearts to forgive.
Adrienne Rich said what we are looking for the best. "My heart is moved by all that I cannot save: so much has been destroyed. I have to cast my lot with those who, age after age, perversely with no extraordinary power, reconstitute the world."
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